nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
