I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This gyro tastes like lonliness
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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