i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
