sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
