i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
