don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
