I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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