Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
