It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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