one might say we're banned from that church
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
