I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
