writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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