so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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