there's paper in my vomit.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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