Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
