The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
