i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The Olympian is in my bed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
