Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
