He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
