he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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