We named our party play list daddy issues
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize