He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
