I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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