Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
