Do you still have your period?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
