I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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