32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
