I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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