at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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