come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
