Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
