Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
