Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
