Cold hands, warm shart.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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