He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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