I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
