sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
