Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
