I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
