i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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