Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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