I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
