i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
