On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
