I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
