I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
