And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
