bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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