You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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