So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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